Part of parenting is keeping our children safe and secure. Kids feel safe and secure in a predictable world. The end of a school year can often times be a time of change for young kids. My son, Jacob, who is 4 1/2 has to say goodbye to a few of his friends. That can be hard for a young child to understand and comprehend. However, everything in life is changing every day, all of the time. Change is as basic a part of our reality as night as day is. If there is one thing that you can count on in life, it is the unpredictability of change. As human beings our bodies are in a constant state of change, our minds are always evolving, and our attitudes towards life are changing every minute by what we are experiencing from everything around us.
For example, something that we may have swore to a few years ago may now be almost impossible for us to imagine ourselves being. When we look at old photographs we wouldn’t imagine wearing the same clothes as we did in the past as was shown on the photos. The things that we take for granted as absolutes, impervious to change, are, in fact, constantly doing just that.
So, in a changing world, the real question here is, how do we teach our children to handle this phenomenon called change, and how do we deal with it in our everyday life, and have our kids still feel safe and secure? Are we teaching your kids to resist change or are we teaching them that change is good and that change means growth? The child who grows to an adult accepting change as a way of living, that welcomes change as a healthy functioning person, is on the road to a very fulfilling life.
On the other side of the token, those children who are intimidated by change and avoids new experiences because they fear failure, will stay destined for a very unhappy life who will always have a reason not to go after their dreams. It appears that it is unhappy people who most fear change and if you are raising your children to fear change, then we are raising them to be extreme neurotics who will be unable to handle the world it its ever-changing phenomena.
So how do we as parents strive to teach our children not to fear new things? Teaching our children to welcome change involves adopting new attitudes and changed behaviors in our everyday dealings with them. Teaching our child to overcome fears of change will also involve coming to grips with yur rigid thinking and actions.
We all must also take a closer look at the risks involved in raising children to welcome rather than dreading the change. Learning to embrace change begins with examining our own attitudes and behavior towards the unknown for us as parents and our children.
My daughter is going through the same thing right now. She will be leaving preschool (and all her friends) in a couple of months. I’m trying to get her to see the positives in going to a new school and making new friends.
Thank you for sharing this with the Carnival of Family Life.
My daughter is 7 and just cried yesterday because we got a new fridge. She also got upset when we sold our boat, and when we got a new car. She doesn’t like change and I attribute it to the fact that she was adopted, at the age of four. Now I am beginning to think some of it is normal, but it can break my heart. I don’t think it is right to keep her in the dark about family decisions and have been trying, to lovingly transition her into them. Please offer advise, if anybody out there has any. She had a lot of change early on, lost her biological mother to death, lived with 4 different families and had very little control over anything. I am concerned this will be a life long fear if not handled appropriately.
Thanks,
M.
my grand daughter is seven. she doesn’t want me to even change my carpet. her mother usually wants things planned out and systematic. if this is one of the problems how do i address this with out my daughter in law getting upset with me…she doesn’t like any imput on raising the children
I really agree most of parenting is actually all about how we handle change and as as our children’s primary role models they naturally copy and learn about handling change from us. So if we are relaxed and positive and flexible – they will learn to handle life’s ups and downs from that perspective.
I teach parents I work with the One Point Exercise – where you take your energy to just below your tummy button , imagine your feet to be like the roots of a tree and say, “I am grounded, centred, positve and happy” and from here imagine handling the situations from a positive, relaxed, confident place and to breath deeply and slowly. This simple technique can quickly and easily help adults and children to feel back in control of their mindset and attiude to what’s happening in their life.
Life is not always easy and the we all get difficult challenges dealt out to us but it’s how we decide to play the cards we are dealt that matters and can make ALL the difference.